Envy...?

I try to be a nice person. I try to not worry about what others are doing, and just be happy being me and going along doing my own thing...

But there are moments when I see something someone else is doing or has done, and I can't help but feel a bit green.


Green with Envy.

Is it really jealousy I feel? To be honest the emotion puzzles and perplexes me - it shakes me that I should feel upset or challenged by the accomplishments of another person... I'm not 100% sure it is jealousy - often it is just that I see someone else doing something similar to my ideas and I feel a bit pissed-off that their artwork/design/idea is so similar to something I have done, or was planning to do.

When I see someone who has done something that is very similar to what was 'in my head' it is like the carpet has been pulled out from beneath me... F*#ck! - they've beaten me to it - now I can't do it! Or I think I should have worked harder, faster, to have gotten there first! (How about I just beat myself up mentally for a while!!??)

But hang-on. Their idea isn't exactly the same as mine... In fact my idea was a bit different, and a bit better too (in my opinion)... but can I still go ahead and do it - even though I have seen what they have done?

Ah, the dilemmas it creates... But really, there are no rules that state that once one person has accomplished or tried something - that no-one else is allowed to do it too!

The BIG problem with me is that I have SO many ideas, that I can't possibly do them all - not at once, anyway.

I know I shouldn't care about what anyone else is doing... or who did it first. The world is full of businesses competing with each other, copying each other... trying to beat each other...

I guess that is the real problem: feeling competitive. Life is not a competition nor a race. I'm sure McDonalds doesn't really care that there is a Hungry Jacks just around the corner - they are separate, yet similar businesses and both can have their piece of the enormous market... along with so many other 'food restaurants' of various types.

I just have to walk my path with my head held high and keep marching along... maybe what I create will be better... maybe it will succeed, maybe it won't... maybe I'll have a better idea next week and do that instead.

Feeling a bit 'green' sometimes is just some of the many emotions I constantly feel - and I have to remember that all emotions come and go. Hopefully the happy, excited, proud and positive emotions are the ones that will be the most dominant... I will now switch my mind to focus on them, and leave this piece of writing with a smile :)

Family first, business second.

So, since my last post I have had a CRASH! - er duh! even the title of my post was so crazy manic... I was skating on verrrry thin ice, and I finally reached the end of my tether last Wednesday (HORRIBLE day - best forgotten!)

At least when I do crash - I then get to pick up the pieces and figure out what went wrong.

And here's my mistakes:
 - I was doing too much
- my focus on my business had put everything else out of balance.


 
As I am a mum: ALWAYS - my 'family comes as a higher priority to my business'... but I had become SO busy that although I held this belief in my mind, it wasn't really the reality of all my actions and I was too over-worked to see it. Yes, my kids always came first - but I was neglecting a few areas (namely the household organisation - and ME! - and yes, poor hubby too...)

I am not throwing in the towel with my business... but I can see that I was putting it in a higher priority than my own needs, and I have to work a lot less on it at this particular point in time.

Obviously this is somehting that will be hard for me to do! - But I'm going to try.

I've reached the point at least of a significant mental-shift... and for now I know I need to focus a lot more on cleaning the house, cooking dinner, going for a walk, playing with the kids... being happy and trying to find that BALANCE that I am always searching for.

A few quiet days are in store for me right now.. not a lot of thinking - just doing the bare-essentials.

I'm sure I will figure things out eventually :)