No other decision could be more important to me.
There is no other issue that compares to the choices of who, how, when, where.. and how much? And it all leaves me feeling overwhelmed, confused, frustrated... and of course: guilty!
Aaaaahhhhhh!
Yes. The instant I look into my 'childcare' needs - I can feel like I am just an absolutley awful mum for wanting to have childcare at all!
But I need it. Oh yes I do. For my sanity. For the best needs for my children as well as for me.
I realised quite some time ago, that I am definately NOT cut out to be a 100% stay at home mum. I may have imagined that I would have been - but those 'dreams' have long been shattered. I also do NOT want to be a full-time working mum... The ideal for me is to find some sort of 'perfect' balance.. And Ha! That is not bloody easy!!! For starters - you need childcare before you can do anything at all! And instantly you are hit with the whole 'chicken and egg' scenario where you can't work or even try to look for work (or start up your own business - as happens to be my complicated goal) without having some time.. and of course you can't really afford it until you are earning some money... And then you don't want to work JUST to pay for childcare either!!
Talk about frustrating!
I'm not going to whinge about it any longer.. But I am at the hard point of trying to make some changes now, and it is very difficult for me to make these decisions...
I hope I am making the right decisions... I guess I just have to try it, and see what happens...
All I know is that I love my kids and I want the best for them always.
Who couldn't adore this gorgeous creature!?:
I can't believe he's already up in the jolly jumper!! How sweet!!
ReplyDelete