Life is hurtling along...

Oh my - the days/weeks seem to be flying by... as usual!! But I am quite LOVING life :)

Since my last post I have done a zillion things:
 - the screen printing workshop the next day went VERY well - now I have two more of those running next month!

 

 

- both my kids got sick - Curtis twice in two weeks which slowed everything down, and meant I had over a week of getting no work at all done, and I had to cancel some planned Valentine's classes.

- Our Brown Owl's group met again, and we focused on Cross-stitching - which I thoroughly enjoyed!! (quite surprised myself as I wasn't too keen initially) - I have even done a lot more of it since the Brown Owl's meet! - it should be finished off soon :)

 

- I have made a start on all my business organization and planning (and boring financial spreadsheets etc)... but still have a heck of a long way to go...

- I am feeling VERY happy mentally with my directions and ideas for my business - I can see that taking this time to slow down, re-group and re-think is definitely the best thing I could have possibly done...

- I have attended another program run by the Caloundra Regional Gallery (that was yesterday: a disability awareness workshop), it is really good to be out networking and socializing with other professionals in related fields..

- Curtis did his first Kiddie-Kicks session today (it was also good for me to see how another organisation runs their kids classes...) - plus loving watching him have so much fun!

- and 'plans' for working together with my friend Kylie to develop my business into a franchise model are starting to progress - eeeek! (and to be honest that can lead to moments of mega-excitement for me - because I REALLY believe that we can make a fabulous success of it! I reckon it could go extremely well - and prove to be very lucrative... and it is just so exciting really - imagining that in about 3 years time I could be the founder of a very successful business, that I love the work I do, and I'm making lots of money... yeah - it's exciting - but for now I have to keep my feet on the ground and my nose to the grind-stone really...)

And apart from those main points - it's just been the normal non-stop busyness of life. With the fun on Valentine's Day thrown in aswell! Ben and I went out for dinner which was lovely, and Tilly made this love-heart canvas. (I did a dot-painting heart pictured at top).

 Tilly is enjoying school (thank-goodness) - and all seems quite routine now. She has almost completed her 4th week there - which means we are almost half way through the term: eeek!

Just last night I got her to decorate a satchel to use as her new Library Bag for school (because mummy didn't want to buy the boring navy-blue school one that everyone else would have, when I could see the opportunity for doing something more creative) - and she did such an awesome job!! I had to let her stay up late, because her drawing was going so well and she was motivated to do it.. Here are some pics:

 

 And lastly, I have been making time to just do some random creativity! I've experimented drawing on a few small canvases using my Giotto markers (which are great!). Here's one illustrative portrait that I quite like:



That's it for now :)

What I WANT to do VS what I HAVE TO DO...

Today I went to a collaborative artists' talk at the Caloundra Regional Gallery.

It was great! It was an indulgence (I don't normally give myself time to go out and do something that I want to do!) It was thoroughly enjoyable at the time... but now my head is overloaded with thoughts - I have gone into a creative-thinking spin... and I really can't discern much about what is going on in my mind at all!

All I know is that I LOVED talking ABOUT art - it is SUCH an important part about being an artist/art-teacher/normal person! - It is easy to get caught up in just the DOing of art... or even the quick 'viewing' of art when you visit a gallery... but talking about art is quite amazing and significant as a practice on its own. Yep, loved it.

Now though - utterly confused!

I really want to somehow give myself time to step into the art-world more as an artist myself. I want to DO my art, I want to fell justified to call myself an 'artist' - I want to feel like I am engaged in the practise of making my own art, and hopefully too exhibiting my art and selling my art too!.. I hoped that I might walk away from this talk and meet-and-greet session with a few more ideas of how to go about it... but at this point the path is not at all clear to me!

The session also reinforced to me how much I do LOVE my business (the premise of it at least) - teaching and enabling young kids and also adults, mums etc. to be more creative and arty is SO much about what i believe in  - so mucvh of my values are tied up in that, that I can't bear the thought of stopping it or walking away... I love my business and all my ideas - I constantly come up with new ideas.... but I can't do it all.

I am severely struggling with the lack of time that I have (I am typing fast and watching the clock right now - as I have to pick Tilly up in less than an hour... plus I also should be doing things in the art-studio to set-up for the workshop tomorrow... and yes, preparing dinner should be on my agenda too!)

I have lots of ideas... lots of 'business' things that are working out quite well... a desire to be an 'artist' and no real clue or commitment on how to start that... and not enough time for any of it!??

"What do I want to do?" - is always such a central and pertinent question to everything... and I guess for me the answer is ART - (amongst being a good mum) - but somehow I have created this business that is going very well on some levels, but is completely overwhelming me as well. In all that I do - I seem to be very good at creating humungous lists that just seem to grow and expand on their own of more and more things that I "HAVE TO DO".

Somehow I get this little (stupid?) thought: I want to run an art class... then suddenly there are so many things that I HAVE to do - and never enough time to do it all!

I have to clean-up the art studio, I have to prepare the materials, I have to text that new material out, I have to make an example, I have to get everything set-up. I have to send several emails, I have to find the details of that person I was meant to contact, I have to do my newlsetter, I have to tidy my desk, I have to get more organised, I have to figure out what the hell it is I am planning to do and how I am going to do it all before I DROWN!!!!

Shit! - Why do I always do this to myself? How do I get myself out of it??

I do make my own life quite difficult, I know...

Tilly starts SCHOOL!!

Wow - what a week!!!

My darling baby-girl started Prep... and we survived it...

Such a scary and momentous event as a mother... I have been feeling rather unsettled about it for months on end - going through lots of emotional circles just thinking about it.. Especially as my girl is one of the youngest ones to start the school year (she doesn't turn 5 until near the end of May!) - and I'm well aware that she wouldn't be starting at all if we still lived in Melbourne (each state seems to have different cut-off dates.. but in Qld the cut-off date is the end of June, so although Tilly is quite young, it is perfectly normal in Queensland).

Here are some pics of her first day:

Tilly about to head out the front door - to school for the first time!

Where is she!?? - she seems way too small and hard to see in this picture of her just outside the school gate.

Standing outside her classroom having just hung up her bag.

Tilly in her classroom - brave smile before the bell goes and mummy has to leave!

Tilly had been quite excited the days leading up - and the morning of fortunately, but eventually the time came when the teacher rang the chimes and it was time for the last hug before mums had to exit.

Awwwwwhhhhhhhhh.

Tilly was good, she gave a big strong hug, a little bit of resistance (meaning if I hadn't let go, she probably wouldn't have either!) but with no tears she turned around and sat quietly and happily and gave her attention to the teacher as I exited the classroom.

I feel more emotional writing about it now - than I did at the time.. At the time I was just concerned about Tilly - didn't want to be upset for her.. when she was okay, I was relieved and happy... but where were my emotions!??

I am not a stranger to being 'alone' without my children as they have both been in childcare... but yes, it still is quite weird to adjust to a little-one starting school...

I did get emotional and teary in the evening of the first day when I allowed myself time to think and reflect... and I still do get emotional now a week later.

It just does seem like such a big deal. Such a milestone.. such a change.

Tilly starting school has changed my mind-set a lot about being the mum that I am - and how I want to run my business.... Before school I enjoyed having some time separate from my kids, and my business was something I threw myself at for some sanity (????). But now suddenly, the idea of me working teaching after-school classes, and weekend parties/workshops is not longer as family-friendly as it was when I had pre-school aged kids.. Now the time immediately after-school and on the weekends is quite precious and sacred... so I have to re-adjust my thinking there quite a bit!

I have taken 'a break' this term from my regular classes, and indeed that is quite a relief. I am so glad that I can be the one to pick Tilly up from school each afternoon - to see her happy smiling face, to try and drag some information from her about the her day... to know if she is over-tired or needs some quite time, or extra activity.. to be able to cook her a favourite meal.

It's weird, but being a stay-at-home mum is completely different once your children start school... I like it, but my focus now is not: "what I want to do", but what I want to do and get ready for the time when I have my kids.....

Tilly is enjoying school already - but is definitely finding it tiring (we suspect that she got Barmah Forest Virus like I did) - so I feel like I have to look after her a lot when she comes home.

For a 'treat' we gave her breakfast in bed on Saturday morning - and I suspect that that is going to be a regular thing as she loved it so much!

Tilly enjoying breakfast in bed...

Well here's to another week of Tilly at school... I hope it continues to go well! xo