learning to ride slower...

Frustratingly I have been unable to sleep well this week... I am dog-tired in the day.. somehow I make it through to the evening and gets the kids off to sleep...I am shattered, but decide I deserve to watch TV.. and then when my show ends - I am AWAKE and quite unable to go to sleep.

Last night I was quite awake until at least 2am.

No real drama if you don't have kids... but with my Curtis alarm clock waking me every day around 5:30am with boundless energy - it is not a very good situation to be in!

So what is turning me into an insomniac lately? Hmmm... probably me and my mind, and the pressures I put myself under.

This past week was ideally my 'deadline' for getting all my new class information out and properly organised for School Holiday classes and Term 2. Ideally I wanted it all out by the start of the week.. then I gave myself until the end of the week... now I have pushed it until Tuesday... and I am quite disappointed with myself!...

It was only through talking about it with Ben and getting all teary that I realize that the one 'thing' of me not getting that info out when I wanted to - is actually a trigger point in my mind to a huge well of thoughts and emotions about my business...

I am like a pressure-cooker - keeping it all inside - but when one 'stress' emerges, they are all bubbling and festering beneath.


This 'time off' (taking the first Term to not run any classes and have a bit of a break, and ideally get myself re-organised and properly on track for the year) has gone by way too fast!! And to be honest I am scared to face a new term and load more onto my plate..

'Just being a mum' is exhausting and is definitely a full-time job... Then A Little Creative is a MASSIVE work-load on top of that. Last year I was completely un-balanced with my work/life - and I burnt myself out and paid the consequences..

Now I have taken a (brief) break... and indeed I have started to do less, to look after me, to do all the other things I want to do.... but nowhere near enough! - There really is NEVER enough time to do all that is in my head and on my to-do list...

But I should pat myself on the back for realising that I need to slow down.. and for learning how to do so.

I am nowhere near being 'in balance'... and according to most mums - it seesm to be a goal that very few of us are able to achieve!

But I am trying, I am adjusting... and everyday I have to remind myself to just be me... that I can't do it all... and what I am doing is plenty good enough.


I am reminded of this quote:


And I totally agree... and as we all know it is MUCH harder to ride slowly at a steady pace and keep your balance... But this is what I must do, rather than continue to ride at full-speed and keep falling off with disastrous results!

xo

Personal Integrity and PATIENCE

Well it's another work day... (eek nearly lunchtime!), and as is common I am struggling with a bit of a sense of self-doubt / panic!

The problem being that I just get frustrated at the seemingly SLOW level of my progress! I can get easily distracted/off task - and I feel annoyed at myself for not FOCUSSING better, or working FASTER!



And I realise that I just have to relax a bit. Accept me for me, and that progress no matter how slow is still progress! Life is not a race, and I do not want mine to be like that!

So here are a few quotes (distractions!) to remind me:



 

I am reminded of the Tortoise and the Hare fable... I need to believe in myself like the Tortoise and just keep taking my steps forward at my own pace:

I am working on my schedules/plans for next Term (I REALLY want to get them out this week!), and as always any simple task seems to take me so many steps to complete (because I am still operating on a foundation of a lot of disorganization).

But whatever the reasons/the excuses/ the distractions, etc. I really am just me! I can only do what I can do. I am a mummy trying to juggle everything and run a successful business... and the biggest thing I have to remind myself of again and again: is NOT to take too much on and wear myself into the ground.
Being a creative person too - I more than anyone else should appreciate taking time to stop and smell the roses, to think off on tangents, to enjoy the scenery, and to sometimes just say "F it all! - I'm just going to paint!!"