The reality I am not in a good place at the moment health-wise :(
I am anaemic with very low iron levels... but my biggest problem is not sleeping well...
I am going to do all that I can to change it... One thing I plan to do too - is go see my last psychologist (who I think is awesome!)... because although I think what has got me to this point of insomnia is quite a 'combo-package' of all sorts of things out of whack... definitely there are things on my mind (that are always on my mind) that I could benefit from talking about more....
Here's a brief list (gawd help me!):
- there is NEVER enough friggin time in the day!!!!! - ever since I have become a mum, I have been driving myself bonkers with just trying to do everything. The 'stuff' you have to do: housework etc. is boring and brain numbing... and then spending time with husband and kids and having fun, then my work... and now adding looking after-myself to the list.... I just can't figure out how to do it all!???
- My work - is that the problem??? - So yeah, I run my own business A Little Creative.. I have worked so darn hard on it.. I still am, and it consumes so much of my thoughts and my energy. It seems obvious that this is the one thing that can easily be 'blamed' for getting me out of balance... but the thought of stopping it is out of the question as it means so much to me...
- So obviously I need to SLOW DOWN, try to do less, not take so much on..... but I just don't really even know how. Let's face it, i am not good at it.. It is my pattern..
- With my business I need to PRIORITISE more: I have been trying to do way too much, I have been slowly pushing and dragging everything into 3 main directions... but it is very hard for me to figure out what to let go of, how to FOCUS and keep it all going in the smartest possible way.
- I put too much pressure on myself / my expectations are too high... er duh!
- I keep having NEW IDEAS!!! - yep... that's the real doozie problem, my mind is full of fabulous ideas (okay maybe not ALL of them - but a high percentage) - way more than i can physically do... I have lots of trouble sorting through them all and keeping on track..
- I am worried that I am not 'letting go' of some of my older ideas - the initial foundations of my business - when maybe the new ideas are 'smarter' but I'm not getting to do them because i am still doing everything else...
- Apart from business, there is Ben... Ben has MS - probably I have not properly dealt with my feelings about that... I know that his MS fuels me to push myself harder and try to make my business more successful sooner... That, and also wanting to 'help' Ben by taking over the financial reins - if not because of his illness, just so that I am releasing him from the burden of being the bread-winner.
Hmmmm, have I run out 'problems' already!?? That's good... I thought I would be able to go on for ages....
So really the biggest problems are all to do with my work, and just figuring out how to take things easier, be patient and focussed... and I just need to change my perspective on a few things quite a bit.
If I could just get a good night's sleep on a regular basis - then it would all probably seem a lot clearer...
Lately though I am stressing because I am not sleeping well, and it is making everything harder.. and I feel as though it is all my own fault!
I guess it's just a stormy patch I'm travelling through... and I just need to keep sailing... xo
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