Trying...

Okay, so since my last post.. you may be wondering how I am going...?

I'm getting there.
I'm tired. I'm worn out... and when I scroll through all the previous blog-posts it really sounds like the same old tune!

Farrk! It's hard! Life is just SO darn bloody hectic - just being a mum, and not even trying to run a business or do things for myself. Trying to squeeze just a little bit of everything in (work, exercise, my art, all the family demands... a little time for me..) - does really seem quite impossible.

So then I get days like today when I just can't be motivated. I just don't know where to start. I feel tired and teary. I give 'permission' to myself to give myself a bit of space and time to ME... but what should I even do??

So far, I've made a coffee, put a load of washing on, sent a couple of business emails, caught-up with Facebook-life for a few minutes (I am quite over facebook - so it is kind of weird just peering at it for a moment, and seeing pictures and snippets of random people's lives... People that I like, miss, care about - but never see in real-life... and it just kind of adds to the guilt of never having time to write a letter or call...)

So yeah... Here I am. Feeling teary. Feeling tired. (But of course there's no point going and lying down for a nap is there!? - I've just had a coffee!)... There's a long list of work-stuff I could/should do.

For me... I guess I'm best to go for a walk, and try and do a little bit of fun-art for me... the necessity to clean/clear-up my art-space a bit more emerges...

Inactivity. Indecision. Lack of motivations. Feeling teary. All signs of depression...

I went to the counselor on the weekend... I don't really feel like it helped me at all... I don't know if I'll go back again soon... I didn't go to the GP either..

I don't think I have any major 'problems' to solve through talking... I just have to slow-down, and learn to adjust to life at a bit of a different pace.... I'm just so used to running in those two modes: full on, or collapse.

Woe is me :( xo