Meltdown...(or falling down the rabbit-hole!)

Yes it is HOT! - But my current meltdown has nothing to do with the weather... As my previous posts indicate (and the last one was complete nonsense and drivel I think!), I am worn out and I need a break.

But I'm not really too good at doing that!!??

Today I had a couple of hours to myself - so as soon as I could (after doing a few necessary emails and phone calls) I headed into the artroom - just to do something!

(Here's what I did):

 An 'Alice In Wonderland' painting - NOT FINISHED YET! - needs to dry and then I can add in more details... but I started to cut up an old picture book yesterday at the Brown Owl's craft group... and this picture of Alice falling just really feels like me at the moment! This quote in particular:

I know I am not in a MAJOR (depressive) meltdown - which is awesome.. but to be honest, I think I am a lot closer to 'break-down' than I realised... so I am just very glad that I decided to put on the brakes and slow my life down before I did have a major crash..

But WHAT to do with myself now??? I don't really know.. There is a simplified agenda and goals for work-related stuff. But to be honest I just don't want to think about work at all for a while. I just want a complete break.. So apart from exercise and doing a bit of household stuff I guess I just HAVE TO DO SOME ART!!!!

So here's a rushed pastel picture I did illustrating that:

 
To be honest I have no idea what 'MY ART' is meant to be, or meant to look like... I barely know where to start.. But I KNOW that I have to!
I have spent so many years not letting myself focus on my art... having lots of distractions, not enough time... lots of excuses.

Now I have a whole art studio completely set-up... I am giving myself some time.. so I just have to do it! I find it very frustrating to be a creative person... I am very eclectic and diverse with my ideas and my interests and I never really know where to start... but I have to and I will..

So perhaps this blog will become a bit more about that journey for a while.. I hope so.

I do know I need to paint. I also need to just start sketching and drawing more. I have always liked 'mixed media' and recycled/assemblage pieces... I also love working in ceramics..

I think I will focus on just 'doing' to certain extent.. Letting myself sketch, paint and draw whatever...  Pattern, colour are important to me right now... also people: being a mother..

I do find the whole "point" of doing art quite difficult.. If someone gives me a 'brief' or a frame-work I can have fun working well within that... that's why I tend to like 'design' more than 'art' - my mind likes to think about creating 'products' more than 'art pieces'.
But I have to start down this new 'arty-farty' path... one where things often don't make any sense at all... A bit like Alice in her Wonderland really!