Yes, as my last post stated - I ended last year feeling quite exhausted... Very ready for a break.. but despite doing no classes in December - I really haven't had any significant 'time-off'. Ha! - I bet there's many other mums out there who will agree that family 'holiday' time - is a lot harder work!!
My poor darling boy has been very sick this past week - and was also sick at end of Nov - which makes doing anything else SO much harder...
I was feeling exhausted and 'down' yesterday - especially realising that I have loaded up my plate quite high with January workshops.. and I really need to get all my info and plans sorted for Term 1 classes asap... I LOVE doing the actually classes. It is fun and gives me quite a high at the time - because I love working with the students and seeing the things they create... but it really is such a lot of work. The 'behind-the-scenes' work is what gets me down the most - so much communication and organisation required (and my organisation is letting me down considerably - let's face it. I'm in a mess that I can't quickly get out of!)... marketing - urggh! - so much work, and also feeling like I have never done enough.. It so often doesn't feel worth it... and that's because it probably is not.
I have grappled for ages with the issue of continuing to do my classes or not... this time last year I was planning to stop them... the hard part (as I mentioned above) is that I love the classes - they give me an on-the-spot ego boost and sense of achievement... for someone who has suffered a lot from depression - they always manage to get me out of any negative mood and make me feel good. Others love my classes too - and I have always felt 'guilty' about letting down my students and customers.
But I desperately want to do and try some other things with my time - apart from the 'normal' stuff like looking after my family and me! - work-wise I am desperately wanting to find the extra time to get my online store operating, to develop my kits and projects to sell online and through other methods... and even another 'secret' design project that is on the agenda - plus catch up with my paperwork and getting organized and having the time to reflect and make future plans.... There just never is enough time for all of this - plus keeping up to date with my classes...
I was hopeful that by employing people I could somehow manage to 'do it all' - but having employees is a lot of work - to be organised, to train them and manage them... so in the short term it has just piled more work onto me....
(I feel as though all this writing is still me trying to 'justify' it all - but I don't have to! Just being me and making my decisions is enough!)
Last night I came up with the perfect solution: I am going to NOT run any classes in Term 1.
Aahhhh. BIG sigh of relief. I haven't yet set anything in motion to activiate this decision - but initially it is making me feel so good. It is so right. I just completely need a break - and not when it is the holiday season when essentially I don't have any time to myself anyway! Term 1 is quite a short term as Easter is falling in March this year... so really my term-class kids will only miss out on about 6 weeks of classes - but I will get 2 whole months of getting to work on other things - which will be absolute bliss!!!
Yep. Gotta do it. I've got to take time to really have a break. To really re-evaluate things and to set my future work and life up to be heading in the right direction - that is balanced and harmonious for all.
No justification needed at all. This is 100% the right decision... now I just have to get through the rest of the busy school-holiday schedule that I have.... xo
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