Creative FEAR (doubt, panic... WTF am I doing!??)

Rush. Rush. Rush!

I have just dropped the kids at my parents' place... I have only 2hrs and 15 minutes until they are delivered back to me.

I want to ignore the housework and the emails - and a million other chores that I could/should do in this time - and jump in and do some art instead!!

Me time. I deserve it. I want it...

But where the heck do I start!??

Feeling panicked. Short of breath.. A bit aggro and a bit teary.

(I realise that this is just all due to me not having much time and putting pressure on myself to 'create' and 'have fun' and hopefully do something I like the look of too! - Just need to ignore the fears and jump in!)

Kettle is on. I'm going to make a coffee. Pull out a canvas and just paint!

(I was going to try some stamp-printing... but don't think I have quite enough time for that...Hmm. We'll see...)

Ready to paint... I decided to try out my new painting-pad paper...

Frustratingly, I heard a car arrive at my house when I had only been painting for an hour... My parents had mixed up the time and were dropping the kids home an hour too early!! - I told them to make a cuppa, and sneaked back into the studio to do a bit more finishing off the paintings (and to wash off my very blue hands!!)

Some of the paintings that resulted from my art-blitz!

I enjoyed getting a fraction of time to paint.

I started out with a brush - and doing strong shapes (trying to emulate what I have been doing in my collages) - but before long I moved onto being more free with the paint - scraping, blending and using my fingers a bit.

The dark blue one is my favourite - and was the most accidental! - I actually started out painting over a rough piece of paper (not a good quality piece) with navy as I thought I could cut it up when dry for collage - but whilst painting it, something more interesting emerged...

I like it. It does relate strongly to a painting I did years ago at Uni that is still hanging in my house - though the previous one is completely different colours (in the reds).

I like this one too. It is most like my recent collage work:

These two are also okay (ish)...

I definitely overcame my original anxiety feelings... and desperately need to find more and more time to do my own art!!

I realised today that already I am trying to over-think my new art directions and interests. I need to just completely play around with my art for the next few months and see what comes of it - with no expectations or worries about where it might lead!