What is my passion and HOW do I head to it...?

Thinking a LOT lately...

Figuring some things out (I think?)

And feeling utterly confused by other things aswell...

All triggered by doing the 'Inspiration and Information' course by Pip Lincolne recently...

Plus I have started to read the book: 'The Divided Heart - Art and Motherhood' by Rachel Power which already is frigging awesome!!!

I have decided that I definitely want to do more of my own art and creativity. I WANT TO BE AN ARTIST. And yep, the intangibility of that statement and goal scares the crap out of me!!

I want to slow down and step back from my business A Little Creative. Mentally I already have...

But I feel quite confused about the next steps...

In my head I believe that I need to give myself time and space to explore, to breathe.. to figure out what the best next steps for me are in a few months time...

This talk on Passion by Randy Komisar which my husband just sent me the link to is very fitting!  I need not stress about pinpointing the exact 'passion' that I am aiming at - or a particular point I am aiming at - just head in that direction...

Yes. I feel excited and empowered. And also I feel shit-scared!

For as long as I can remember I have been a high achiever and I have constantly thrown myself at projects. And indeed I often succeed in achieving quite a lot... and then 'balance' it out disastrously by having a major crash (at least with fatigue, and often with depression).

Just this morning I felt excited. I was telling my husband what I had read and am thinking... asking and needing reassurance from him that I have his support... Looking forward to starting... And then when that 'moment' of ME time comes I feel anxious, bewildered, overwhelmed, self-doubting etc.

I think I just need to completely learn new habits... I need to go slow... be kind to myself...

I fear that I lack self-discipline... That I need more structure...

But I guess I can give that to myself.. I just need to try and get used to the changes (????)

Regardless - the first step(s) is to dig myself out of the mess I am in at my desk, in my studio, with all my paperwork etc.

My instinct tells me that I will head first towards my own writing and illustrating (FOCUS #1 is to FIND the folder that I have lost that has the early workings in it of my picture-book plans!!!) - as for me, this at least has a bit more 'structure' to it.

I WANT to do more of my own art in regards to painting, printing, sculpting - just playing around really... I am not too interested to make 'products' (been there, done that... hasn't grabbed me)... and just trying to do ART for art's sake, still scares the bejeesus out of me! - SO for now, i'll just call it PLAY.

I am constantly seeking reassurance - particularly from my husband, and other family and friends (not that I've told many people yet)... as I feel like I am walking into a completely unknown area...

And I am. But I think it is the RIGHT place for me to be heading... a place I have ignored and denied myself of for far too long...

I estimate that nothing hugely tangible will come of it for a year or so... but I strongly believe that it is the right steps for me to take... and that I will be thankful for taking this risk in the long run...

As for A Little Creative - I am letting it drift along... I am pulling my energy away from it a lot at the moment... but will explore spending more time doing blog posts... perhaps creating courses, videos... and also more product-packs... but without any significant deadlines on myself.

I think I just need TIME to explore a few things, and I know that the general direction involves nurturing myself and my own art practices...

I need to believe in myself... Follow my current passsions... set some short-term goals and go forth!