The meaning of Christmas...

"It came without ribbons. It came without tags. It came without packages, boxes or bags. And he puzzled and puzzled 'till his puzzler was sore. Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn't before. What if Christmas, he thought, doesn't come from a store? What if Christmas, perhaps, means a little bit more?" - Dr. Suess

As I write this there are only two days until Christmas... I feel a bit stressed and overwhelmed as the result of just moving into our new house means that I am mega-disorganised, and things are not at all how they should be. My daughter is off to childcare today, and I have started to write a super long list of things 'to do'...

But just reading that quote by Dr. Seuss has helped me somewhat... Yes I will still definately have to hit the supermarket and bustle along with all the other people trying to fill their fridges and pantries to the brim with Christmas cheer (I reckon everyone buys the equivalent of about a month's food to eat in only a few days!).. but as for everything else I am wanting to do - I think 'stuff it!'.

Christmas is about love, happiness, fun, joy, sharing good times with family. If I haven't got everyone equitable and appropriate gifts, if my cards haven't been delivered in time, if my house is quite disorganised - it doesn't matter!! It's Christmas and I am going to be happy, fun, and loving! Bring it on!

(And a very Merry Christmas everyone!!!)

On difficult days practise the alphabet...

Today has been a difficult day... One of those when the kids are going that extra bit whingey or crazy for some reason, there is plenty of things that you need to do, and places to be... and it just is soooo difficult to get out the door. All the things you do each day, are just that bit harder... and with such a cumulation you could easily lose the plot! Sometimes I get a bit of an 'out-of-body' experience and feel as though I am in a 'Zen' state of relaxed consciousness (ha!) - but really when a baby's crying constantly and a toddler is screaming and whinging and pulling at you - and you are remaining CALM somehow and in control - I reckon that is absolutely a Zen moment (not that I've ever studied it or know what the heck I am talking about really!)

But apart from being a 'Zen Mummy - I've come up with another theory of practising the alphabet:

Start each day with a basic plan in your head of how things will go: Plan A, when enough things go wrong move onto Plan B, which has less things on it and is a bit more simplified, when plan B goes wrong move to plan C - which of course is even simpler... and so on and so on. Until finally you may reach Plan Z - which is to simply to do nothing other than practise the alphabet, which you have already accomplished! Yay!

Not ants, not chopping carrots...

I love children's imaginations and the way they think!

Lately my darling two and a half year old is becoming quite the conversationalist (aka non-stop chatterbox) - and I just love the things she says!!

I constantly talk to her throughout the day, and often I am looking for something or asking a question of some sort - and if Tilly doesn't know the answer she will take it upon herself to say all the things it is not!

"Not ants", is one of her favourite responses - she seems to like talking about ants for some reason! She will also include them in her list of saying all the people that she loves! (I love you Mummy, I love Curtis, I love Daddy, I love Granandpop, I love Ants!)

This morning there was a loud banging/hammering/chopping? sound coming from outside and we were discussing what it could be... Tilly's eyes lit up with the thought that it could be pirates digging for their treasure (she finds pirates quite thrilling, and excitingly scary!)... She seemed pretty sure that it was pirates, but still decided to say all the things that it wasn't:
"Not Ants... Not chopping carrots..." I had to laugh!! I commented that it could be chopping carrots, but it sounded like very large ones: she then thought the rabbits would be quite happy with that!

I LOVE talking with my two-year-old. So cute!

Will Santa deliver on time!??

This year for Christmas we are aiming to move into our newly built house!! I am flat-out busy at the moment (and getting pretty darn sick of all the phone-calls and house-related running around that has been going on for so long). I wonder if it will all get there in time??

And even if the house gets finished... how will 'Santa' cope with everything else that needs to be done for Christmas!!

Fortunately I have done most of my Christmas shopping (I think!??) - but I don't have any time or space to wrap things up and get them organised... they are just stashed and hidden in places, and I think I can't even find them again until we move!!

I hope we can actually get into the house at least 1 week before Christmas to give me some chance to... do something!!

Ha! Christmas decorations are in the storage shed, waiting patiently... I wonder if there will be time for them to see the light of day???? - I hope so.

Christmas cards are on my mind... I should be doing them about now... If I don't make it, I hope my friends nad family will understand...

This Christmas is bound to be great - but it's a pretty hectic and last-minute, unable to be planned and organised properly... hopefully the last of that kind for many years!

Getting hungry...

This past week baby Curtis has been waking up more frequently through the night - in order to get more feeds I guess. He is 4 months old now. Too early to introduce solids yet...

I am feeling pretty tired and shattered having had several nights being woken up every 2-3 hours... Looking forward to that changing again soon!

In the meantime, our house is progressing... down to the last 3 or 4 weeks probably, and really that is making the waiting so much harder! I am so HUNGRY for it to be finished, and so that we can start moving in and calling it HOME.

Won't be long... it's bound to be a pretty hectic Christmas time though!

Aaahhhh!

The new nanny (Donna) is here right now.

My natural tendancy is to feel flustered and rushed... Especially because I have a zillion things I want to do... plus I'm not even as organised as I inteded to be before she arrived. I had wanted to have the house in some order, and have a little folder with all the neccessary info (contact details, routines, instructions, activity suggestions, etc) ready and organised to give her... but that hasn't happened yet - I will try and get it completed whilst she is here.

In reality, the house was a mess and I hadn't even showered when she arrived.

Tilly started handing books to Donna and showing her all her toys, when I tackled my first agenda of hopping in the shower. Donna said with a smile: "Enjoy a long shower" - and I thought: Yay! I can!!

Now as my mind is swimming trying to think of which task and chore to do first - I am thinking: stuff it! Just enjoy having a lovely cup-of-tea... Do whatever I want, in whatever order suits me... and just RELAX. I really am such an overloaded/control-freak/stress-head most of the time who tries to do way too much - and make it look as though it's easy.

Donna is here to help me - and the best thing I can possibly do for myself is learn to SLOW DOWN and take things at a much more casual pace. Life is not a race.

If all I do is lie down for a nap and listen to my children happily playing and laughing outside - that is probably better than trying to do too many chores and feeling more worn out than ever..

Yay for Donna. Yay for the 'baby-bonus' that is paying for her at the moment! And yay to me, for realising that I really have to change the way I operate :)

Childcare decisions...

Recently I have been feeling rather stressed as I have been making decisions to change my current childcare situation...

No other decision could be more important to me.

There is no other issue that compares to the choices of who, how, when, where.. and how much? And it all leaves me feeling overwhelmed, confused, frustrated... and of course: guilty!

Aaaaahhhhhh!

Yes. The instant I look into my 'childcare' needs - I can feel like I am just an absolutley awful mum for wanting to have childcare at all!

But I need it. Oh yes I do. For my sanity. For the best needs for my children as well as for me.

I realised quite some time ago, that I am definately NOT cut out to be a 100% stay at home mum. I may have imagined that I would have been - but those 'dreams' have long been shattered. I also do NOT want to be a full-time working mum... The ideal for me is to find some sort of 'perfect' balance.. And Ha! That is not bloody easy!!! For starters - you need childcare before you can do anything at all! And instantly you are hit with the whole 'chicken and egg' scenario where you can't work or even try to look for work (or start up your own business - as happens to be my complicated goal) without having some time.. and of course you can't really afford it until you are earning some money... And then you don't want to work JUST to pay for childcare either!!

Talk about frustrating!

I'm not going to whinge about it any longer.. But I am at the hard point of trying to make some changes now, and it is very difficult for me to make these decisions...

I hope I am making the right decisions... I guess I just have to try it, and see what happens...

All I know is that I love my kids and I want the best for them always.

Who couldn't adore this gorgeous creature!?:

"A Little Creative"

Yay!! I successfully registered my new business name yesterday: "A Little Creative" - this is the name I wanted first and foremost but thought I couldn't have it becuase a NSW graphic design company already has the name... and unfortunately they have nabbed the .com.au website by that name too. But I am happy.

My business plans have been constantly evolving and changing over the past months... but the current plan is to open up my front house (once we vacate it when the new house is built) as an art studio-workspace in the new year.

A Little Creative studio will offer workshops and classes to small groups (max 6 or 8) in a variety of different mediums. I don't want to be working too much (and currently trying to sort out the right balance of child-care for my needs is seriously doing my head in!) - so my goal is to get other artisans involved to run most of the classes, and I do all the marketing and organisation and bookings side of things (more than enough to keep me busy!). I will teach a few classes that fit along my interest the most! Children's classes will no doubt be a part of the mix eventually, but I am not going to target those initially - as they can be quite time-consuming and demanding and would ultimately take up all my time, leaving me exhausted and no time for my own art..

So I have to avoid temptation to start the kids classes too soon, and try to make sure that my own art and interests come first! For me I am itching to do some painting again, so no doubt some canvas painting workshops will be the first offered, also collage and recycled art is my passion, plus printing... graphic design is a sure winner.. but I have to invest in some more computers first!

Gee can't wait!! It's frustrating times as I have so, so much on my plate and it's hard to know where to start and what to do first and how... But I need to have tunnel vision a bit, and get us all moved into the new house and settled in!

Stay tuned though: "A Little Creative" exists (on paper at least!) and will open its doors in 2011!

I did it!

These are the three words Tilly proudly says whenever she accomplishes something. Now I can say them too!

Today was a soggy, miserable day on the coast - and I had planned to go along to the first ever Kaleidoscope Market at Kawana (all products aimed at kids/families, etc.).. It was a bit out of my comfort zone as I had never been to the Kawana Community Events centre before, so didn't know the exact location or what the parking woudl be like etc. Plus I haven't really taken both Tilly and Curtis out to any difficult places on my own - just to playgroup and parks etc...

So with the constantly bucketing rain, plus an extra grizzly Tilly all morning - the odds were against me going... But, I did it!!

It was darn hard - we were saturated when we got there, and I felt quite laden down with coats for us all, pram, food bags, activity bag, nappy bag, etc. etc. But we did have a really good time - much better than staying in our tiny house!

I did buy a couple of things, and I have a few more ideas and contacts for my business... for whenever I get the time to do something for it!

Bye for now... Hopefully my next "I did it" accomplishment will be finally registering my new business name and submitting my blue-card form... without them, not too much can happen...

Happy face!

Ha! I wrote that last entry, and so nearly didn't post it. It's so much easier to lie - to just put on a 'happy face' as much as possible. I sure will try to put on my happy face. I will try to be as optimistic and genuinely happy as possible. I believe in the saying: "Fake it until you make it" - and so often forcing yourself to do something 'fun' can change your mood around even if its just temporarily.
But sometimes it's a bit fake... I don't like to dwell in self-pity and misery! And it can be hard to really open up to people sometimes...

So I guess I'm sort of proud that I posted that last entry... It's true, if nothing else...

Grasping small moments, believing in myself...

Life has been quite difficult lately - and that's putting it mildly really.

I tend to have a bit of an all or nothing approach to life... I am a strong person who can cope with a lot, and I tend to keep going until I hit a big brick wall.

I think I hit my 'brick-wall' last Monday.. each day since then has been quite hard. Some moments are good, some I feel fine... but they seem to be heading towards the minority rather than the majority... I have to make the most of the moments that are good and happy - saviour them, and know that if anyone can turn things around quick it is me... I do believe in myself (most of the time) - and I know I will make it...

I have quite a long history with Depression... And by Wednesday I knew I was not at all feeling good so I made a Dr's appointment for the next day... I walked out of the Dr's office with a new perscription for Zoloft, a referral to a psychologist and a bandaid on my arm after lots of blood was drawn to check for half a dozen other things.

It's what I wanted I guess. It's what I knew.

Friday I got the prescription filled at the chemist.. but I haven't taken a tablet yet.. I definately will if it's inevitable that I need them... but I am wanting to take a few more days to see how I go...

It's disappointing to be in this place again. I can see why. I can see that it has been triggered by a range of stressful circumstances, and then having a few weeks of being ill with a bad cold has pushed me to the limit.

I hope this week is much better. I hope I can avoid getting any worse. I hate depression, it sucks. It makes me doubt everything and not believe in myself - it makes me not be me.

Worn out...

I have had a cold for over two weeks now - pretty much everyone in the family has had it thanks to dear Tilly bringing it home form childcare.. (we no doubt need to read the book: 'Germs are not for sharing' more often!)

It has been a bugger of a cold, but I have kept going... but yesterday and today I think I've reached my limit. I'm EXHAUSTED! Just tired, teary, grumpy... any little thing is enough to 'ruin' me. Urgghh. And of course being a stay-at-home mum means that there are many 'little things' that go wrong in a given day - or every few minutes!

My resilience is shot... it feels like the end of the world. I know it's not...

I am like my 2-year old daughter when she is overtired: prone to tantrums. I had one this morning... now I just need some sleep...

Happy Birthday to me!

It is my birthday today... and I must admit that during the lead-up to it I wasn't really too excited by the idea... No, it's not one of those mile-stone ages that I'm ashamed to reach! - I just didn't really care too much... More-so I was curious just to see whether my husband would remember or go to any effort!?

My mum was rather excited about it as it was the first birthday in about ten years that I would share with her and family... she had been planning my party all month - and got Tilly so excited about it too that she has been singing 'Happy Birthday' to me at random times for weeks and talking about the party!!

Indeed, I had a fabulous time! Drank more alcohol than I have in a while... and ate too much good food..

But the best part was having my two beautiful children around to prove to me how great it is to be turning 35 - it's special because it is the first birthday I have had as a mum of two children! And my 2-year old loved getting dressed up, helping granny with all the decorations, singing happy birthday, and of course eating the cake!! My 3 mth old - also helped me celebrate by falling sound asleep early! And my husband was very good to me all weekend :)

Thanks to my mum and all my family... I had such a good birthday weekend... that I now need to go to sleep!!

(Tilly in her party dress eating as many chips as she could get her hands on!)

(Curtis being cute and wearing his first ever party hat!)

Not always sane!!!!

Some days and moments I am definately NOT sane... even though I try... Fortunately, or unfortunately - those are the days and moments that I have NO time to write about it here!! Like now... I am risking a lot taking these couple of moments to write... But it at least is giving me time to catch my breath and cry my tears before entering the battleground of my own house once again!!!
See you... Crying Curtis needs me... and Tilly is up to no good in the kitchen....

"I'm going to be an architect... and a darn good one!"

It was about 13 years ago (too long ago!) when I said those words to the Dean of Architecture at UQ - in an attempt to convince him to let me stay in the course... Unfortunately, before much longer I was in tears as I realised that nothing I could say was going to make any difference.. I was just a number in the system that was not letting me continue with my architecture degree.

I can look back at all of that with a lot of regret. Able to see where I made my mistakes: a lack of self confidence after being quite ill was my biggest fault... And when that boulder was placed on the road of my chosen career path I decided to explore other options and went off along a completely different path which led to my teaching degree...

Hmmm. More dot, dot, dots required here...... About 13 years worth!

At the start of this year I got thinking about architecture again. Wondering if I should perhaps pursue that path again? Wishing I had never gotten off it...

I decided the timing wasn't right - with two very young children I don't have the time to focus on studies - let alone travel to Brisbane for the course.. So after a few serious weeks of considering it I pushed the idea away.

Currently we are building a new house which I essentially designed for us - I am so enjoying being able to witness the whole building process taking place in our backyard, and I am very proud of my input into the project. I though that it might satisfy my architectural urges to see my design become reality - but really it has just wet my appetite and made me open my eyes to what I really do want to do.

No more excuses. No more denying it. I would love to be an architect. I wish I had never let circumstances take me of track. I wish I already was an architect. I know I could be a f*#ing good architect... And I still can be! I like to believe that it is "never too late" to do something... But stupid me just never wanted to look at 'the one that got away' - and consider going after it again! I think a part of me was just licking my wounds perhaps... or trying to keep my mind and goals busy in every other direction... But when I look at architecture as a career - I cannot deny that it is what I want.

It's not too late. I don't have to be afraid, scared, etc. (is it okay to be emotional?? - because I am!) I'm just going to face what I want and go for it!

Fair enough, the timing is not right now.. but in a few years it can be.

I don't want to lose sight or get distracted again. No. I'm facing it and making the commitment to me that I do want to be an architect, and I WILL do it.

Probably a few years away until I can commit to full-time study again.. in the meantime I am going to enjoy and make the most of my time as a mum of young children. And also pursue my short-term goals of starting up a creative studio and business. But I know what I want for the future...

So much to look forward to! I am happy :) Thanks Ben for supporting my talent and personal goals and for helping me to see what I had pushed out of my mind!

A poem about hands...

I hold Tilly’s hand, and she holds mine,
Curtis can yet only grasp one finger at a time.
But oh how special it makes me feel,
To touch my beautiful children and know that they are real.

Our hands are important – because they’re all that we do,
From discovering new objects, learning to eat, to tying a shoe…
I wonder what great things my children’s hands will explore?
For me, just getting to hold them will be the best thing for sure.

Right now my hands are constantly: holding, cleaning, folding, washing, wiping, picking up, cooking, driving, explaining, playing, loving…
They don’t get much time for: typing, writing, painting, creating, pampering or relaxing...
They’re constantly busy and on the go,
Touching my beautiful children is the best thing they know.

And this will not change for as long as I live,
Being able to love and care and continue to give.
My hands will go through all the joys and the pain,
They’ll help sort through old photos and re-live it again.

And at the end when my hands are weak and quite old,
They will reach out for the hands of my children to hold.
Such a strong, loving connection exists through that touch,
Just holding onto a hand can communicate so much.

Tip shop finds - yay!

My daughter's swimming lesson has been altered to a different time - which allowed us to get to the local tip-shop when it opened last Saturday... I LOVE op-shopping and collecting 'junk'. It gives me such a high to find a great vintage piece at a next-to-nothing price!!

I enjoy going to the tip-shop, and I am well aware that the best time to get there is when it opens... but unfortunately I haven't had much chance to do that. But on Saturday the whole family went - I prepared hubby for the crowds - knowing that he would likely go into shock when he saw the people queued up outside waiting for the doors to open... I had managed to convince him to go - as he wanted quite a few large pots to plant some vegie seeds that he'd recently bought.. I told him there were heaps of pots at the tip shop - much cheaper than Bunnings.. I of course knew I would have my eye out for other things aswell.

And guess what!?? I scored!!! So excited by what I brought home - all for $20 (which included all the pots that Ben bought!)

Obviously I am reliving my childhood a lot with the things I like to buy:

This tree-house toy above I had as a child, and is quite collectable now!

I had a little trike just like this one!

I love the vintage prints on these playing cards...

These timber cigar boxes are a great size for storing things... I thought I could use my creativity to paint them up... but am quite keen on the printed labels that are on them. As I guessed, my daughter T enjoys putting bits and pieces inside and piling them up and reorganising them (just like her mum!)

Can't wait to go to the tip-shop again next week!

I'm an eclectic, messy, creative person!

It's a typical stereo-type isn't it? You walk into the artist's house and there is stuff everywhere... interesting stuff, but mess none-the-less!

It's not the stereo-type I ever wanted to fit into... I have well and truly taken on board my mother's obsession with cleaning and tidying and presenting an obscenely tidy house to the world as an example of SAHM competence.... Yeah, I tried it for a while... and went insane. I failed!

Creativity is much more important to me than a tidy home. If I get a rare few moments when I am not holding a baby or doing something for Tilly - then I will much rather do a quick type of my thoughts, sketch an idea, plan my creative business or look at a design magazine rather than tidy up! Aaarrgghh!

Yes my house is a mess! But I can handle the mess if it means I am slightly more sane, and able to spend a few extra moments being creative rather than tidying!

Open shut them, open shut them...

Do you know this one - from Playschool I think? Quite an easy song, one of the many that we sing and do frequently - easy enough to even do the hand movements whilst I am driving the car... (Seriously I think some drivers must look at me whilst I am sitting at traffic lights and think: 'she is pretty weird!' - hopefully they notice the toddler in the backseat and realise that I am just entertaining her with lively song and actions!)
At this age T is constantly singing and chattering away... everything can relate to a song really: we know songs about rain, sun, washing up, incy wincy spiders, dinosaurs... Okay we don't see many dinosaurs about, but it's fun to stomp and sing!!

Just a moment ago as I sat quickly escaped at the computer (whilst Bfeeding Curtis - so no, not alone.. I am NEVER alone!), wondering what to type about on my blog - T came up to me with a container she wanted open and as she handed it to me, gave her request as "Open, shut them" - in a song.. She just wanted it open, but obviously the song was appropriate..
She is now singing 'Happy Birthday' - maybe because the contents of the container are a lot of hair accessories that she got for her birthday.. or maybe because it is my birthday later this month and my mum has already got T excited about it!?

Oh no, she's back and pestering me again... maybe I should invent a song about: 'Give mummy just a few minutes of space and time, PLEASE!?' or how about "No - it is not okay to give baby C a whack on the head whilst he is breastfeeding!"

Aahh! She's found the craft box and is pulling everything out.. sorry folks, song time over - craft time now! Time to get sticky and messy... Then song time will return soon enough :)

Each day is sooooo busy with a toddler!

Getting blogged down!

Help!!

Just jumped on the computer to do god knows what for a little while now that both children are finally down asleep... And before I know it my back and neck is aching from sitting hunched at the computer (obviously need a better chair and desk arrangement..), i have added too many new blogs to my watch list, and my mind is swimming and swirling with all the awesome new stuff I have seen that crafters around the world are making and doing and blogging about!!! Wow! - Plus did I mention that far too much time has slipped by and I really need to go to bed NOW!

See you :)

Finger Painting!

Yay!!! Finally got some paints out on the weekend and let T loose with them! She loves painting, and it has been way too long... We have been suffering from lack of painting materials whilst we are still living in our tiny little house and most of my art materials are trapped in the storage shed. But whilst we were looking through our photo album recently T saw some pics of her doing painting about a year ago (or more?) and got so excited about the idea of painting that i just had to oblige.
She had a great time and so did I! T didn't want to stop painting - she quickly went through the pile of paper I had brought out and I had to go get more twice! I was very impressed that she can now hang up her own paintings on the clothes horse with pegs!

Father's Day

Though the weather was cloudy and threatening to rain - we all headed out on a picnic lunch boat outing on Pumicestone Passage for Father's Day. In the picture above are: My Dad, husband, daughter and brother on Bribie Island. It was a great outing - definately a day to remember with disasters, dangers, rain and all! Yes it did rain on us, plus the boat broke down, and then the woman who came to rescue us in another boat decided to smash into a sand-bank at full speed sending us all flying. We were very lucky that no-one was hurt - especially the little kiddies! At the time I was quite freaked out by the accident - as my mind kept imagining what could have happened to my beautiful children or another of my loved ones if things had worked out just slightly differently... Now though, there are many happy memories to hold onto from the day - we hope to do it again soon - when the weather is better and the tide is higher!

A precious new baby!!!

My little darling boy will be 6 weeks old tomorrow, and I must admit that I am guilty of forgetting just how new and how special it is to have him!

Of course, I love him absolutely - but I don't seem to find much time to just gaze at him in wonderment and awe... And really, that's just what I should be doing!
I feel like he has been part of the family forever - I can't believe just 6 weeks ago he was still inside me and we hadn't met face to face!

Having a two year old, and a new house being built has meant that I am always on the go, and have plenty to do. My new son is well loved, but I tend to think of him more in terms of the little creature who is constantly with me: either asleep, feeding or wailing! My sprained wrist from carrying his capsule about and cracked nipples from him being an enthusiastic feeder - are just extra 'complications' to my overloaded and sleep deprived life!

I have to slow down, I have to take time-out more and do less - and really realise that I have recently created a little miracle and there is no time better than to gaze at him in wonderment and feel proud of myself, and blessed with all that I have, than right now!

Day by day survival...

Okay, the reality of having two yound children is starting to sink in! Don't expect me to be able to write on my blog very often now... And my ability to do anything actually arty and creative has gone flying out the window pretty fast!!

Generally, I have to take everything day by day... It is quite a challenge to get out of the house with two children, let alone get myself dressed... get everyone dressed and fed and having a good time - that is the maximum that I can accomplish each day!

Sleep deprivation - and extreme inconsistency and unpredictability of timing anything - those are the joys I am dealing with at the moment!!!

Thank goodness I have some experience to fall back on - so there is a hope of keeping my sanity, and actually making the impression that I am coping okay!!

The baby disability...

Hmmm... For a few days I thought I might be one of the lucky ones... My baby just seemed to sleep all the time - hence, apart from regular moments of feeding and changing nappies - life with a baby seemed rather easy!! I knew it was unlikely to continue, I knew it could and no doubt would change at any moment... but a part of me was hoping that maybe it wouldn't!

But no, already I am getting a good look and reminder of what the 'baby disability' can be like. When baby is not sleeping, has been recently fed and has a clean nappy on - but is unsettled none-the-less. Essentially baby just wants to be held... Which is lovely, the adoring mother can gaze lovingly at her baby. She can talk to him, cuddle him, sing, etc... But she can't really do anything else!!! Not anything that she wants to do! Even those darn dishes and clothes washing will have to wait until baby is asleep again.

Today T is in childcare - so at least I only have to feel frustrated when baby C wants to grizzle and just be held... what will it be like when two year old T is back on the scene!??

Hmmm. At least I am getting better at being able to RELAX when I do get a few moments spare - though those moments are very rare! - and I have the hope that in about 3 years time, perhaps things will be a bit different... !?

Baby has arrived!

Our beautiful son entered the world on Thursday 22nd July. Conveniently commencing his arrival only a couple of hours after we had tied up all the lose ends and signed all the papers with builder and bank for our house-building project. He ended up being 3 days early - which is perfect: I was dreading having to continue waiting if he was overdue..

The birth definately was not delightful, though 'on paper' it appears to have been a very good birth, according to the obstetrician's report... In the end, it did not go at all as I had anticipated - though I was unaware of my expectations, thinking I was keeping an 'open mind' to all possibilities... I was prepared to just 'go with the flow' and take things as they occurred. But really, I did NOT expect to end up delivering my baby in the bath and without the aide of any drugs at all! The desire to give birth in the bath has never appealed to me, and to be honest, the idea of a woman giving birth without any drugs has always sounded insane! But that's what I did - and it was bloody hard! Best forgotten really!

I actually went into a bit of shock after the birth - and it felt a lot different to be holding a new baby and looking at him in wonderment when you can well feel all the trauma that your body has just endured - with my daughter I was fortunate enough to be feeling absolutely no pain at all (thanks to an epidural) at that crucial moment of holding her for the first time!

But of course, the wonderment and love of a new baby wins through - and all the gory details are readily pushed aside. Just the love of our new family member is foremost, and the thought that 'thank-god the birth is all over with now!'

Caring for a new baby is very easy at this stage - he just feeds and sleeps a lot. Nappy changing has a few new challenges, as we are not used to getting showered at any given moment - so I have a lot of clothes washing needing to be done! I keep trying to convince my mum NOT to waste time ironing all of his little clothes, as he tends to pee on them before they are even worn!

The two year old daughter is the biggest handful! A few extra tantrums and odd behaviours as she reacted to her routines being quite out of whack, and Mummy not being around for a few days... But things seem to be settling down quite well now.

Trying to take a nice 'family' picture has proven to be difficult - as T decides she doesn't want to sit still and smile at the camera... unless she has a bag over her head! (see below)

I am enjoying having my husband at home to help out... and am a bit scared of how I will go when on my own... I think any outings will have to be rather limited and very simple... We all went to the library yesterday for story-time and that was hard enough with two adults and two children... I am about to get both children in the car on my own soon for a mini outing to gran and pops... Yep, baby steps! Before long I will be a pro no doubt! (scarily my husband has already started talking about the possibility of a third child in the future: aaahhhh!)

Waiting...

It shouldn't be long now... due date is 4 days away... Today is the day that I picked to be the day I would like bubs to be born. Definately feeling some early indication signs.. It will be soon, next day or so I reckon.. hope so!

Picture Book: "A new Baby will soon arrive!"

Yay! Finally I have finished my picture story book for my daughter - explaining what to expect with a new baby about to be born!

It was a bit of a rush job, but I am proud of myself - and hope it helps her to understand! So far she seems to enjoy looking at the book. She likes the picture that has Kally the dog in it most, and the one of the baby screaming!

Waiting for Christmas... and Murphy's Law...

Less than 2 weeks until the due date of my baby.....

I HATE waiting and not knowing exactly when things might happen!!!!!!

We all know Christmas comes on the 25th December - and of course there is so much 'Christmas' stuff to do before, on and just after that date... Imagine if as you got to the last month you realised that 'Christmas Day' could actually occur at any moment whatsoever!! In fact it was unlikely to fall exactly on the 25th.. it could be a week early.. 2 days early, 10 days early, 5 days late... any darn time at all! - That's what I feel like. I am just mentally frustrated knowing that I can't know until it happens! Paranoia is starting to set in - with every different feeling and movement of my body... is something starting??

Fortunately I am going very, very well with everything at the moment.. I really cannot complain at all - but of course every 8 and a half month pregnant woman surely would like to have a bit of a moan and groan about the weight they are carrying around, how uncomfortable it is lying down, sitting down, too tiring on feet for too long, unable to sleep properly, tired through the day, going to the toilet every half-hour almost!, unable to put shoes on properly (let alone your young toddlers shoes too!).... But apart from all the usual stuff - I really can't complain at all!!!

Though I am definately a bit scared about AFTER the baby is born!! I know how hard it was the first time... I know (somewhat) what I am in store for.. and now I will have a toddler and a baby! (Not to mention the house that we are building....)

I also am imagining another couple of things that could possibly occur... I do tend to be a bit of a believer in 'Murphy's Law' - whereas if something can go worng... it often will - especially to me!

One little child who my daughter goes to childcare with has recently come down with Chicken Pox... yay great. Turns out that the worst possible time for a pregnant woman to get chicken pox would be about now!! Incubation time is a couple of weeks - my daughter could come down with it in about a week and a half - and of course, I could catch it off her because I have never had it and am currently not immune... Not good news.

Secondly, I heard today that the hospital I am due to give birth at is unprecedently quiet at the moment!! There has been pretty much one patient in there over the past two weeks... Good news if I go into labour now, or yesterday... But knowing my luck... All the women who haven't been giving birth over the last couple of weeks will all go into labour at the same time as me - and the hospital will be over-full (happened last-time when my daughter was born!! - They put me in the birthing suite, then moved me out again!)

Yay. Please don't get me Murphy's Law!! Please, please, please!

Parenting Workshop #4

Had the final of the four Parenting Workshops by Dr Bob Jacobs today - it was great as usual, and I guess I'm sorry that they have ended - but at least I will now have more time on a Tuesday morning.. hopefully for a week or so before my second child arrives...

I can't believe how much I have enjoyed the workshops... just being able to put my 'intellectual' and 'thinking' hats on again has been quite a refreshing change.

Happy that I quite agreed with everything that was discussed today.. Discussion focussed on the importance to develop children with healthy self-esteem - and this can be achieved by giving children a positive message of love for being just who they are, regardless of what they do. Therefore being careful not to send an opposite message if a child is misbehaving or doing something 'displeasing'. I realise that sometimes these messages of 'love' and 'praise' and generally how a child develops their 'self-worth' can be very subtle - and it can be easy for a child to internalise a 'wrong' message!

Our society seems to be very 'achievement' based and 'product' based. Often parents and the structure of school reinforces this - and it is not perhaps the healthiest thing! My husband and I often have a problem with this in our 30's - not able to just be ourselves, unsatisfied if we aren't 'achieving' something significant...

I grew up to have quite a 'perfectionist' problem - due simply to the fact that I was a very intelligent and capable young child - and my parents praised me, and I was recognised as a 'high-achiever' at school... All great things, but amazing how trying to live up to 'perfect' expectations that one creates in their own mind can prove to create tremendous difficulties!

I think that is why so many parents can struggle with their new role: Because they are trying to live up to the ideal expectations that they have inside their own heads... If baby is crying, mum and dad think they must be doing something wrong! What new mum doesn't want to be the 'prefect mum' for their children!??? But as Dr Bob Jacobs says: "accept that what is, is perfect".

We spoke about CONTROL - and how often parents think they need to 'assert control'. Whereas, perhaps 'control' could look quite different from what we imagine it to be... Perhaps as parents we choose to exercise control of any given situation by choosing to show our love to our children, and not getting angry or losing our temper... Remember: no-one else defines your behaviour but you! - and even though we would like to have 'control' over our children, it is really impossible to control their behaviour...

This is something that I definately struggled with as a teacher. I had quite a fear of being a teacher who didn't have 'control' over her classroom and students - and hence would look 'bad' to my other professional peers! I also wanted to somehow 'control' the situation so that every child was always producing their best possible work for themselves!! - Quite an impossible task I realise!!! - Especially with 25 teenagers in a class...

DISCIPLINE. Yep - all the stuff I know about there: essentially 'discipline' is just a form of education, and try to avoid having too many rules just for the sake of it. Use collaboration in the decision of what rules to have - involve the children in making them, and understanding them and have them apply to everyone in the family!

EDUCATION. Urgghhh. My bug-bear topic of discussion! One interesting comment made by Dr Bob was that often the only time children resist learning is when they are in school!!! I totally agree! I think our education system often has a heck of a lot to answer for... As a teacher myself, I have found the system to be verrry restrictive and almost impossible to really fulfil the needs of the students... I am an idealistic teacher, and for now I am happy to not be a part of a school system.. as it can make my blood boil!
There are fabulous teachers and schools out there - I hope I can find the right ones for my children when they are of school age.. And I always have my fingers crossed that more positive changes will be made to improve education in general. Halving class sizes, doubling the amount of teachers - and lightening up a bit of the 'red-tape' pressures and demands that are constantly put on them would be a great step in the right direction!

That's all for now... I just feel happy that I am a parent to my wonderful daughter, and that I have great skills and resources to try and be the best parent that I can be!

Strawberry Fields

Aaah, strawberry picking last Sunday! A beautiful Winter's day in Qld and strawberry season has just commenced - yay!

We enjoyed a great family activity, and indulged in many yummy strawberries! - All gone now, sadly...

Usually I am a stickler for following the 'rules' wherever I go... But despite the sign saying not to eat any in the fields, I figured that if the cost of picking your own was more than buying the ones already picked in the shop, that generally they expected you to! So I allowed T and Daddy to tuck in a bit... perhaps T went a bit far as her three large pooey nappies the next day seemed to indicate!

Craft frustration (or inspiration?)

I have just been (wasting time?) browsing around the wonderful online world of creative blogs and online websites....

There seem to be a zillion and one others out there making great crafty products - great inspiration... but it also leads me to frustration (and jealousy?) as well!!

There are so many! It's inspiring, fascinating and interesting - I wish I had more developed blog skills to put links and images and refer to the things that i like here on my site.... I wish my site was as good as many of the ones I have been looking at! I wish I had more time to do it all, and learn what I need to, and create what I need to!

In reality I am just me... I have to be content that I am doing a minimal amount of shell collages, and paper mache... I keep imagining finding the time and space to do some more of my fabric-print designs... but in reality i haven't even had time to sketch any of my ideas down on paper..

The fact is, I am going to have another baby in a few weeks and any time I thought I had will totally disappear! How the hell will I manage with two?? One child is time consuming enough - two - aaahh! I am looking forward to falling in love again and being able to relish and enjoy the newborn baby stages, probably more than I ever did with T because I was too freaked out by it all! But oh-my-goodness, it is SCARY too!

I had better go take a nap I think! :)

I am so slow in the mornings!

Ohhh yes, it's morning... 8:45 am to be exact... Sesame Street is on telly and T has become bored with that, so is now sitting on my lap whilst I am typing - I wonder how long this will work for!?

I get frustrated that I just tend to be SOOO SLOW to get moving in the mornings!!

Usually I have somewhere to get to by about 9am or 10 - and that means I finally get things together for that... But when I have a day where nothing much is pending then I just drag my feet and get nowhere in a hurry!

Of course there are a zillion active things I 'could' or probably should do early in the morning... Getting up and ready for a brisk walk would no doubt be a great start.... I think I did that once...

There are many tidying up chores and a mountain of ironing always waiting patiently to be done (and they keep waiting all day... usually somewhere throughout the day I convinve myself that I will do them inthe evening... then don't!)

And I could also do something creative I guess.... Hmm not today obviously.

It is heading to the time when I HAVE to get a move on. Lots to do: T and I to get dressed, lunch and snacks to prepare for going out, toys and books to take where we are going... the house to minimally tidy so that I don't have an instand breakdown when I walk back in the house...

Go, go, go! Do your mad-dash race and get it all done before heading out (escaping)... and think about the possibility of changing my daily routine in the future so that I have something to get me up and moving earlier!

Yeah, early morning exercise or art and NO TV would be the best option... can I do it!?????

Parenting Classes...

I have just attended my second of a series of four 'Parenting Workshops' being held at Caloundra Community Centre, and conducted by Dr Bob Jacobs of the Parenting Centre.

I must admit, I was a bit sceptical when deciding to go... my initial thoughts were: do I really need someone to tell me how to be a good parent?? I think I'm doing a good enough job, and that there aren't necessarily any 'right' or 'wrong' ways to parent...But, I decided to give them a go and am very glad that I did!! - Thankyou Dr Bob Jacobs, I am thoroughly enjoying the opportunity to think about parenting in an intellectual way and am enjoying thinking about parenting in a (sometimes) new and challenging way - so much so that I am compelled to write about it afterwards..

Today's session was about: 'Understanding Children's Behaviour', and essentially I learned from it that:

• Humans are naturally insecure creatures due to needing such a high level of care right from birth - thus most childrens' (and adults?) behaviour stems from the need for security; often shown in the need to be the centre of attention...
• All children's behaviour is purposeful and goal driven.. They are not 'misbehaving' or disobeying becuase they are naturally 'bad' - but generally they are wanting attention to fulfil their need of security...
• Often it is better to look at what happens as a result of a children's behaviour to fully understand it, rather than the behaviour itself (eg. what attention does the child get when he/she does that?)
• Often our biggest challenge as parents is being able to meet the security needs of our children..

I get all of these points above, and they sat well with my own philosophies... But I realised that often I struggle in my own mind with the thought that if I 'give my child what she wants' (what she needs) that I am perhaps being too soft... that I might be setting up more problems for myself in the future... Or that other adults/parents will think critically of me! It can seem strange to treat a child's 'negative' behaviour with a 'postive' one - as if you are 'rewarding' their misbehaviour... Currently, I am using the 'Distraction' technique quite a lot with my two year old - as I know she doesn't understand too much reasoning, I know she isn't trying to be bad - she is just bored/curious/etc - and anything that I think she should not be doing can be easily replaced with a postive behaviour if I 'distract' her with it...
Fortunately, I verbalised these thoughts - and Dr Bob clarified my thinking in a very good way: essentially, my thoughts are stemming from my own 'insecurities' as a parent, and generally can stem from being brought up in the 'traditional' way that most of us have been.

Indeed, I am a person who likes to do things 'right' (or even 'better' than anyone else!). I tend to be someone who likes to 'follow the rules'... with the realisation that there are no 'rules' life can be a bit confusing!

I still wonder about the quantiity of 'security'/'attention' needs that a child has... Obviously different children will demonstrate different levels of 'neediness' depending on their natural personality (some are more independant, others shyer and 'clingier' perhaps) - I wonder how a parent determines if a child is being too needy - and when they should step back to allow a child to develop more self-confidence and independence?? Or does this naturally become apparent when such a 'problem' arises?

Towards the end Dr Bob was mentioning that there are often 'natural consequences' to things - something which was only briefly mentioned, but I can definately accept and begin to understand... I think problems often exist today with parenting, discipline, etc. because children don't get to the point of having to deal with 'natural consequences'...

More of what Dr Bob said, initially was confronting to me: the approach of simply focussing on children's needs - can seem extreme: to 'give them all that they want' i.e. if a child's chore is to do the washing up and he/she refuses, the parents could accept that and offer to do them themselves - to set an example... Initially alarm bells went of in my head! As I'm sure we all know someone (possibly a parent) who appears to be quite 'taken advantage of' by others - if they let them... But I realised that you can parent by focussing on 'needs' if you also focus on your own needs! Parenting is all about doing so much for our children: meeting their needs, but as parents and adults we too have our own needs and if we focus on acknowledging and fulfilling these - and modelling to our children that ours (and others) needs must also be met and respected - then I do agree with the whole philosophy!

That is what I have struggled with most throughout my own journey so far as a mother... realising and accepting my own needs - and being willing to give myself the time and attention that I need, rather than sacrificing everything for my child and others...

Another important point I took note of today was:

• We have a myth of being able to control things... (trying to control our children's behaviour, lives, circumstances etc.)

That is definateley something I have been forced to acknowledge recently... and I am constantly in a learning curve of 'letting go' of so many things that I want to be able to control but can't. The sooner one realises what they can't control, the better. Just accepting how things are, and then dealing with that reality in the best possible way is all we can do...

• Parents need to get comfortable with losing power struggles (or not engaging in a 'power struggle' in the first place!)

This was another good point; something I was definately taught through my training as a teacher, but worth being reminded of! Our children, no matter what the age, are separate thinking and acting individuals - we need to let them express themselves and explore their limits and boundaries. Being a parent is NOT about always being 'right' or setting unchangeable rules and standards... really we are learning just as much about life as our children are... Taking a parenting approach that is much more fluid seems like a reasonable solution. Our role is to provide love and support and understanding for our children - to guide them and teach them, and help ensure their needs are met... And along the way model that we are adults enjoying life, learning, making mistakes, and seeking to fulfil our own needs also.

That's all for now... until the next session!

Hazard Prevention - USE SOME COMMON SENSE PLEASE!

I am inspired to write this to appeal to anyone who ever looks at something that could be dangerous, or causes a near injury or close-miss etc. to use their common sense and DO SOMETHING to remove the hazard so nobody else gets hurt!!!!
It sounds so simple and reasonable, but I'm sure many, many people are guilty of not taking that extra time to DO something after they have noticed something that looks potentially dangerous.. Perhaps they assume that someone else will or ought to fix the problem, or that maybe no-one will get hurt... I don't know.. but really, prevention is much better than cure!

So why am I writing this?? Well, here's my recent story:

Yesterday my family went on an outing to Southbank, Brisbane. It was a lovely day, with lots of family activities on which of course drew the crowds on this long weekend. We had just arrived, and were walking along some grass towards the main walkway that is covered with a great sculptural metal structure and has bougainvillea growing up it...

Where we decided to walk through, one of the guide wires (for the plant to grow along) was situated right at an adult head height, yet there was no vine growing on the wire so it was difficult to see... Just ahead of us a dad was walking holding a young child in each hand - his attention was focussed on them as one child was talking to him, and so with his eyes looking downward he missed seeing the wire and walked straight into it! Fortunately he was okay, just a bit taken aback at having a wire whack him across the face.

My husband and I commented on how dangerous that was, but did nothing about it, except make sure that we ducked!

Later that day as we walked back to our car and through the same spot... We unfortunately were witness to another young dad who was being treated in the park by paramedics.. His face had been ripped open - there was a lot of blood, and he was obviously in a lot of pain. He too, had not seen the same metal guide-wire, but had been chasing an escaped kid and travelling at a much faster pace when he made contact!

The paramedics patched him up. The poor man went home with his family with a face totally bandaged and padded up - no doubt requiring a follow-up visit at a doctor's or hospital the next day, and a lot of pain killers that night.

And the dangerous guide-wire was still in place and waiting for it's next victim!!

My husband and I were surprised that the paramedics hadn't taken any action to deal with this obvious hazard... so decided that we had better do something and not just walk away! Nearby was some construction equipment and a lot of fluro-flags marking off an area that needed to be kept out... We took some of the fluro flags that were just hanging on the ground and wound them around the guide-wire making it obvious that it was there!

I hope nobody else has the misfortune of walking into that again - or at least someone has enough sense to have it clearly marked until the plant has grown on the wire and it can be clearly seen!

And I hope that anyone who reads this will definately remember to TAKE SOME ACTION next time they see something that is potentially dangerous!

Bit by bit...

The main purpose of this blog (and my life!?) is to try and achieve some sort of creative outlet for myself and document it so that I know that I actually am slowly achieving something...

My progress is VERY slow! But finally I have a small space to do things in:

It is only a small table in one of our sheds, and unfortunately that shed will soon be pulled down when we finally start building our new house... But it is some space none-the-less!

The table is currently covered with my miniature shell fragments, and I have some shell collages underway: yay! I enjoy doing these... at the moment they are just as 'gifts' for people I know, but hopefully eventually I will get to make more and sell some. The one for my daughter was obviously the first one I ever made and it is pleasing to see that she really enjoys gently touching the shells that make up each letter... I am pretty sure she is inheriting my aesthetic eye for miniature natural objects... And hopefully before too long she will be able to help me collect just the right shells from the beach to do these collages!

I have also started doing some paper-mache too! I love using recycled materials, and paper and cardboard is definately a passion of mine. The whole paper-mache process can be rather tedious and slow, not to mention sticky! But I have discovered that I can do minuscule amounts of it sitting on a table outside whilst T plays in the garden... She enjoys trying to do some too, she likes playing with the ripped up paper - though when she gets her hands on the glue it is much more hazardous! She managed to tip a reasonable amount of my watered down PVA glue all over herself the other day... not sure if those overalls will ever be the same again!

It sounds a bit boring, but I am making paper-mached boxes to store T's toys and items in, using her nappy boxes cut in half. The plan is that when finished they can be labelled and decorated for their specific storage purpose... and hopefully we will be able to keep things neater and more organised in the house, as well as 'craftier'! Also making some little people and house things to play with, and the 'cafe kit' will be papermached a lot, but progress on that has become stagnant of late...