Yes, my head has been spinning about the job at the gallery - and whether or not I should apply...
There's been a few days of completely changing my mind going on... And again I am back to NO. (and I intend to remain at that decision)
My recent plans and desires had been to 'pull-back' a lot from all the work I have been doing with A Little Creative. To try and find that elusive 'balance' that I have always desired... and I realise that this is not necessary an easy thing for me to do as my brain has been hard-wired to work hard and just jump into things.. and I have been used to putting myself last, and neglecting the housework and many other areas of life.
(Taking this job - or even applying for it - would mean that I have not learnt anything at all. That I am willing to just 'jump-in' and run hard, as always, regardless of the costs... and ignoring the benefits of taking life more slowly.)
Slowly I have been feeling that I am starting to make progress with changing my habits and my thinking - and indeed good outcomes are already starting to show on the home-front (incrementally tiny zones are getting cleaner and clearer!!), and I am trying to exercise more, do more of my own creativity and thinking... and even RELAX and ENJOY life more!!!
For ages I have known all the "shoulds" but I haven't been actively living any of the changes that I want.
My relationship with Ben has also had lots of ups and downs the past few years... and I honestly think that taking more time to nurture me, the family, and the relationship is what is needed by us all much more NOW than any extra commitments and pressures - or money too!
Indeed the job can be quite enticing... The salary would be lovely ( I already know exactly how I would spend that money!)... it would be great for my EGO if I could make it work as I have always desired to feel satisfied in my job and career...
But basically what I would be giving up, or putting at risk is completely not worth it in comparison.
A huge thanks to a facebook friend who wisely suggested I consider:
"So what's more important - whatever you would do in your non-work time or this perfect job? What are your strongest values and feelings? Would this fulltime job align with them?"
And also LOTS of other people who gave me their input and advice when I was in my quandry...
It has been a VERY hard decision for me to make.
But, similar to the decision not to sign the shop lease at Currimundi last year, it is simply not the right time for me to take on this commitment.
My values of being there for my kids are very strong, and I know other mums may manage to work long hours in their career - but for me it is not what I want for myself and my children at these ages.
My husband supports me, and that is great.
My choice is to slow down more. Focus on my core values... and enjoy life.
A great example or image of this is Tilly's little sock-mice that I helped her to make yesterday... (I LOVE that she came up with the idea herself, and was happy to spend most of the afternoon making them, and went to bed cuddling one of them - whilst I still had to finish sewing ears and eyes on the other mice at night... and now they are living in a little box-house and they 'sing' a lot! - so cute!!)
(Hopefully another blog-post about them soon!)
I value the SIMPLE things in life. Time with my family and friends, time being creative and exploring life.
I think this experience of considering the gallery job will be very good for me. I have made my choice, and I think I will cherish so much more my time spent dropping the kids at school and childcare, cleaning up the house, making food, doing laundry, playing with my kids, talking to them, relaxing, being available whenever they need me.
And who knows what I can achieve by giving myself more TIME to be ME, and to be more creative!?...
xo
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