The avalanche of change??

Oh my...
So, this blog has been revived of late - as I am thinking things through...

Since, making the decision to FOCUS more on my own artwork earlier this year... I have been facing constant new challenges, as essentially my mind is evolving in a completely new direction - and lets's face it... all change is a bit difficult and takes time to get used to.

I have just re-read the pertinent and recent blog-post: 'What is my passion and how do I head to it?" - in which I declared that I WANT TO BE AN ARTIST - and how I planned to head towards that...

But obviously declaring something, is a lot different to doing something about it... and often the DOING is far from straightforward. Already I have had to face the challenge of considering applying for a full-time job in an art-gallery... which definitely appealed to me for various reasons... But for many good reasons I have discarded that as an option for me...

I am realising that to BE an artist will mean making changes and sacrifices...And as I progress gingerly towards that desire/goal/intention - I am being faced with some of the challenges and changes that I have to make.

It is confronting.

As I mentioned in that previous post: I want to slow down and step back from my business A Little Creative. Mentally I already have.."

Yep mentally... But not physically...

Today I felt aggro, irritable, teary.... and I wasn't too sure why. I had just enjoyed a bit of extra "me" time as the kids had a sleep-over at my parents... I took the opportunity to start doing some oil-painting - and I LOVED getting the oil paints out - after them being put away for several years.

After a bit of exploring my angry/upset mood I realise that is caused by the strong desire within me to do more art, and the frustration of not having enough time to focus on it.

I love my family. I love being a mum. My children come first of course. But I realise now what a HUGE conflict my business A Little Creative now is to my new goals.

I do feel a lot of emotional turmoil. As I have created A Little Creative. I was building it up with quite a long-term strategy - and it is growing and developing so well. So many of my dreams and goals were tied up with that business. It is very hard to realise that my dreams and goals have changed, and what I have worked so hard to create is holding me back from moving forward.

Definitely I want to take time-off from my A Little Creative work. I want to give that extra time to myself and my artwork. I want to re-claim the studio for myself so that I have more space to work, and can leave my materials out rather than having to put them away to accommodate classes...

Hmmm... already I am thinking up some compromises here....

I am considering the option of selling the business.

Also of course there is the option of just putting it all on-hold for a while... but the ME that tends to be a bit "all or nothing" in my approach to life, doesn't quite see that I would want to pick it back up again in 4 months, 6 months, 12 months etc... that maybe I am best to just bite the bullet and sell it off now??

Hmmm. yeah, a bit of confusion and turmoil going on.

But ultimately it is all very frigging positive. It means that I am taking my new desires and directions quite seriously, and I just have to sort through the issues as I go along!